A Beastly perspective

just some reflective writing with Beast in mind...


Even as a child my presence was often noted as gloomy. Its no wonder you stayed away, a mere split second gaze, a moments acknowledgement to the depths of that gloom that seems to surround me, would cause a terror struck look across your face. As my eyes concentrated and deadly would pierce you and begin to bleed all the happy memories of today’s play far far away, you would turn away, every one of you.

That curious glance, something so innocent would turn into an unwanted entrapment…for as long as your eyes were padlocked to mine…you belonged to me. For that split second you were my friend.

Time dilation, thoughts and whispers slither through me painfully slow yet hope rises at speed through you. Even now, despite the crowded room, I remain in my own solitude, shoved in the corners… ever restricting, isolated from your chitter and chattering that dampens your ears from my tortured screaming, silent screaming, but screaming non the less.

So I sit here drinking away my pain, what a cliché, all thoughts of myself blur, twist, turn, and gently fade away from my consciousness. So I just sit, as if in a different room, savouring each drawn out sip. And it takes all of my strength to restrain myself. To sit here, to look well composed when I’m sure you all see me as filth, the intolerable. The… I could scream in your face and you still wouldn’t notice me. It takes all of my strength not to upturn this table, to scream in your face notice me, look at me, I’m hear and I’m real. I’m right here! Id like to be looked at once in a while, touched just once in a while, to be loved even.

The realisation that if any of you saw me, none of you would bare the thought of remaining in the same room… that realisation that I am just the bad smell that you would sense for just a moment before violently heaving at my sent. I don’t exist in your eyes. That realisation that is so real for many of us, hits me like an upturned table, like a bottle smashed in my face, like standing on my head as I choke in the gutter, you laugh and you smile as I choke in your presence! And this realisation, this physical manifestation of my mental thoughts hits me every second of every minute, every excruciating hour of every day. Oh God let me out of here!…